i am awkward, and I like to watch tv

Archive for August 2013

Self Conscious

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As far back as I can remember I’ve always been a little self-conscious about how often I eat fast food. Thanks to the technological marvel that is online banking I am able to see how much money I spend and often I eat fast food. Before going through the drive thru of a fast food restaurant I usually make sure to throw away or at least hide any remaining trash from the last time I had fast food, to abate the impending stigma. For me this is particularly important when going through the Chick-fil-a drive thru’s as I tend to eat at Chick-fil-a about once a week. This was a full proof system until the unthinkable happened and the girl that worked at the Chick-fil-a drive thru recognized me a regular.

After about six months of going to Chick-fil-a regularly the girl who worked the drive thru at Chick-fil-a began to recognize me and she knew my regular order. Just being recognized as a fast food regular was shameful enough but the fact that she knew my regular order made me feel boring and predictable. Some times when I would pick up my order we would talk for a minute, and the conversation had enough tension to make kind of creepy as because she was so young.

With each trip to Chick-fil-a starting out with me feeling ashamed of my bad eating habits, then progressing to me feeling embarrassed about being boring and predictable and ended with me feeling kind of creepy, I’m not sure if it was possible to be more self conscious. Despite falling into a weekly shame spiral I was unwilling to give up Chick-fil-a, when an obvious solution presented itself; I started going to another Chick-fil-a. Going to a Chick-fil-a in another city was a little time consuming and costly but well worth it as I could eat my dinner with slightly less shame, until I realize how much effort I put into avoiding a young girl then I felt self conscious about that as well.

As far as having feelings for the Chick-fil-a drive thru girl goes, I don’t think that is entirely my fault, I think I have been conditioned to be attracted to girls at Chick-fil-a. Most of the Chick-fil-as where I am from in North Carolina hire mostly young white girls to work at the front of the restaurant. It wasn’t until I went to a few Chick-fil-as outside of North Carolina that I saw someone other than a young white girl working in the front of the restaurant, I am not sure if this makes North Carolina Chick-fil-as racist or sexist.

I recently noticed that the girl who recognized me and was the source of all the self-consciousness is no longer working there, and I can finally eat chicken without any kind of stigma. The day I learned that she no longer worked there I also learned that Chick-fil-a has taken their brownie off their menu. After losing the brownie I think I finaly can relate to Job from the Old Testament. God Gives and he takes away.

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Written by rolandtrotter

August 2, 2013 at 3:40 am

Posted in Uncategorized

Tagged with , ,

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