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Archive for March 2011

Blazing Challenge

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I have always felt like God has really blessed me with a talent for eating large quantities of food. I don’t think this is the time or place to discuss the irony of God giving me the ability to violate a deadly sin like gluttony, rather I would prefer to discuss how I used that ability for glory; namely competitive eating. Last year while visiting some friends in Charlotte we stopped by Buffalo Wild Wings after church, and I saw this as the perfect opportunity to chase my competitive eating dream and accept the Blazing Challenge.

When I asked our server about the Blazing Challenge she explained the rules: twelve wings in two minutes with out the aid of a dipping sauce, beverage or napkin. She also told me that if I completed the Blazing Challenge she would buy me a beer, I felt that her generous offer was an attempt to psyche me out, I wanted to show that I was unmoved by her offer so I responded that I would do the Blazing Challenge twice for a shot. The psyche out reached another level when she brought my a waiver to sign in the event that if I were to get sick or die I would not sue. I signed the waiver though I felt like I would have a hard time putting a law suit together if I were to die.

When the wings came out and the Challenge had officially started I quickly formed a strategy to eat all of the small wings first as I could pull all the meat off the bone quickly and smaller wings would be easy to maneuver past my lips and I could put off the pain initially. The strategy seemed to work as I easily dominated the first five wings in twenty seconds. However when I moved on to the bigger wings I lost some of my momentum, as I had no real strategy. I operated mostly out of instinct picking up wings without any thought or strategy, but I felt like I established a good pace early on which should carry me in to the second half.

The pressure began to increase as the surrounding tables began to watch as they became aware that something special was taking place. My friends began to cheer, as it looked possible that I might be able to complete challenge. With two wings left and thirty seconds remaining; the heat from the sauce began to take its toll on me, my nose began to run and I heard someone say “just suck it off the bone and swallow, and that’s what she said”. The culmination of all these things made me cough, which most observers saw as a moment of weakness. Their doubt caused me to renew my resolution, and I triumphantly finished the remaining wings.

When the Challenge was over and a long time dream was realized I was greeted with an overwhelming ovation from all of those who were observing. Our server brought out a T-shirt, assured me that I would not be charged for the wings and we discussed the free beer that she promised to buy me. It occurred to me that I had just received a free beer, free shirt, and free wings; and I decided that if I am ever homeless I would take on the Blazing Challenge everyday.


Written by rolandtrotter

March 1, 2011 at 2:35 am

Posted in Uncategorized

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